You're in a busy city. Let's just say it's Dublin (the rest of the Irish ones are shite, well Limerick's alright) and you're late for something. You could be late for a "Snow Blow" pick up, an appointment with an escort, a white supremacists group meeting or the Fine Gael Ard Fheis. It doesn't really matter what evil or morally wrong activity you're up to, the point is you're late and you need to get there fast. So imagine your disheartenment at the city streets being flooded with assclown pedestrians who have an utter disregard for their fellow pedestrians. These ignorant mongos can be split into four different groups which I have outlined below. So when you're out an about, avoid these slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging mouth breathers at all cost.
1) People With Buggies -If there's anything worse than talking to a new parent it's having to share a foothpath with them. A buggy is more of a battering ram than a toddler's mode of transport. Not only will parents use this hideous abomination (I mean the buggy, not the baby. Jeez!) to snap at your heels, cut you off and plough into other pedestrians, they also use them as makeshift stop signs when crossing the street. "They can't run me over. I have a baby." You can't really argue with that logic.
2) Tourists -Yes, I know it's great that they're pumping money into the economy and we overcharge them yet they naively keep coming back for more but sweet non-existent baby Jesus, they're awful pedestrians. "Let's stop here and take a picture of this Spar. Oh look! A generic looking pub" *Snap* *Snap* "Wow! A heroin addict! Get the camera out."
3) The Wanderers - You know the type, they don't know quite where they're going but in the meantime they're going to be a complete pain in your hoop. Most of them are culchies, who are only "up to the big shmoke for the day to get a few thrinkets for the family. Meccano for the kids and a fine frock for the auld lady." More importantly, they're tards about finding out where to go so they keep to a snail's pace, usually in your way.
4) Chuggers - Ok, technically they're not pedestrians but this shower of cunts deserve an honourable mention. It's not a real job. Honestly, anyone could do it. A dickless chimp could do it. I will have more respect for you if you sign on rather than be a chugger. The abuse they receive is warranted. "Sorry, I'm late for something bro... wait! Fuck off and get a real job!"
Heed my advice people. That being said, don't go out pushing over prams, fighting tourists or hurling abuse at chuggers. Unless you want to, I suppose.
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