Gaelgóirs are like demented children dragging around a decapitated anthrax-infected cow's head trying to make it moo. This cow's been dead for over a hundred years. It's not going to moo! And what's more, stop forcing your children to spend ten years of their lives trying to make it moo.
Of course, there's the "it's important to have a culture" brigade. To these tools I say: Mickey-Joe-Fuck-Off! The Irish language is one of the worst aspects of our culture. Even alcoholism and putting paedophiles in positions of power rank higher in my book. As far as languages go, it is horrid to listen to. If mankiness was audible it would be called Gaeilge.
There is not one dialect that is pleasing to the ears. You've got the cacophonic Munster and Connacht dialects which sound like they originated from old men hacking up phlegm. It's all "awccchhh" this and "awccchhh" that. Well suck my "awccchhh" because it sounds awful. Then there's the nauseating drone of the Ulster dialect. It must be the only sound in the world that causes motion sickness. If I had a Nordy tester for my Leaving Cert Oral Exam I'd probably have to skull some Motilium beforehand for the fear of ralphing all over the gaff. "Is myyyyyyy lum keyarr bombs." Hideous.
I suppose what I dislike most about Gaelgóirs is their sense of elitism. They think they're better than you because they're continuing an outdated practice and they'll look down upon those who weren't patriotic enough to learn the, quite frankly, terrible language. There's always a patronising tone in the voice of a Gaelgóir. Well you can fuck right off! I wipe my arse with An Triail and Peig Sayers can suck my left one.
I remind myself of the main character in the movie The Believer who was a Jewish Neo-Nazi, in that I absolutely hate Irish but I was pretty decent at it in school. I almost forgot to mention that the main character is played by Ryan Gosling so aesthetically I'm very similar to the main character (If I keep telling people that it might come true). There's nothing less satisfying than having a completely useless skill. It's on a par with juggling or knowing a lot of Dane Cook jokes (they're just awful. What an awful comedian!).
They say the greatest trick the devil played is convincing the world that he doesn't exist. Well I know that guy exists. You can see him in the eyes of every person who throws Irish phrases into normal sentences. "This is great. I'm excira agus delira." I would gladly throw a Bible at any person who does this to me. Not because of the religious symbolism but because those things are damn heavy.
Yes, I think that's a fitting end.
And you enlighten us with your superior Anglophilia?
ReplyDeleteFirstly I'll start off with this. If you're going to contemplate criticising the first language of the Irish Free Republic, at least spell "Gaeilgeoir" correctly.
The issues that are presented to the teaching of the Irish language are mainly to do with the lack of a use of the tongue in society, and the terrible teaching of the euphonious language. People claim to "hate" Irish due to the apparent "cruelty" that has been inflicted upon them as human beings. That's nothing but crap. I'm sure that you're one of this common group. If you were exposed to a society that weren't so divided about its tongue, and had been taught properly from the age of 5; you wouldn't be writing such a blog post.
To me, your post is simply offensive and ignorantly uneducated.
An accent does not deem it right to hate a dialect. The same is very much true with English. Would you make the exact same claims about the English language due to the cacophonous accents of various African countries, chav Britain, or Jamaica? Maybe you just have a complex self hate or jealousy for the linguistic abilities of Gaeilgeoirí. You never criticised their accents if they speak English.
Gaeilgeoirí don't breed a sense of elitism in speaking the language. If anybody is to be considered elitist, it should be you. You believe that by speaking Hiberno-English, you are better than a minority linguistic group. The Irish government has failed if there are honestly people like you who exist in our world.
I hope you never breed. Your offspring would be too pretentious.
Fuck you.
First of all, I admire your level of offensiveness, dude. It's an art in itself. Your argument about English accents is bullshit though. I'm not exposed to Jamaican or Chav accents on a daily basis. I do however, encounter atrocious accents such as the Cork, Waterford, Derry and D4 accents and I do criticise them.
DeleteI realise I spelled that word wrong. I anglified it.
The Irish speakers I've encountered in my life have all been arrogant pricks.
I didn't think it was cruel the way the language was forced upon me. Maths was forced upon me and I also disliked that subject. I did fairly well in it but that's besides the point.
Cheers buddy, hope you don't have kids either. I'd hate to live in an Ireland that still has Radio na Gaeilge (fuck fadas, I'm lazy) TG4 and *shudder* An Focail. Gaelgóir or not, you have to admit that publication is a rag.