That's the Under Siege quote out of the way which is essential not only for blogging but for writing in general. Why say something if it's already been said better in a Steven Seagal film?
The purpose of this blog is to give me yet another opportunity to be a jivin' prick. This is necessary in order to achieve the ultimate goal of becoming a professional prick, which is no mean feat I might add.
So what's in store for blog number two you ask? Well, first of all there's going to be a lot of complaining. I'm a stubborn wee fucker and if your opinion is different to mine, more often than not you're wrong. Don't worry though, this blog will enlighten you.
Another thing I hope to do with this blog is use it to try and support my, well, more "far out" theses. For example, all you soccer fans should look forward to a post where I explain why Aidan McGeady is the best defensive winger in the world. However don't worry if you feel alienated by sports talk. I also plan to explain why hipsters are cunts and ask hard-hitting questions such as "where did all the Christian whinos go?"
Excited? Yeah, me too. I must warn you though. I'm also an extremely lazy bastard. so don't be expected me to update this regularly. It simply won't happen. In general, the only things I commit to either have boobs or a fretboard. As far as I can tell this yoke has neither. Although with the way modern technology is developing it's not foolish to assume the ready availability of blog-writing robotic guitar prostitutes in the future.
Anyway, I'm going to make the mother of all fuck ups (Under Siege 2: Dark Territory reference. I'm getting good at this.) and assume a lot of you won't be privy to my far from silver-tongued vocabulary. So here's a handy little English - Benglish ( aka Jivetalk) phrasebook for you. Refer to this if you come across any words or phrases that you haven't come across before, and then think about why you haven't come across it before. It's probably because you are not with "it". Get with it!
Thank you - Sound, Soundwiches.
This pleases me - Animal, Aminal, Class, Whopper, Whopper buzz
This greatly annoys me - Skag, Skag buzz, This is a ball of shite
Merriment or tomfoolery, occasionally both - Jivin'
Fool, oaf or imbecile - Bowl stirrer
Acting in a foolish, oafish or imbecilic manner - Stirring the bowl with the wrong hand
Shindie - Shitty indie music, traditional music of the hipsters (more synths than sense)
Disgusting, hideous or displeasing to a multitude of senses - Mank, Manky
Falling victim to the wrath of Kevin Bacon - Bacon'd
That's about all I can think of at the moment. I hope you're all waiting anxiously for the first post because I'm sure as hell not.
Remember, no one beats me in the kitchen. (Under Siege 2 Dark Territory)
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